


i'm not perfect (but I keep trying)

by books-life-death (Slytherin_INTJ)



Series: The Days of Our Youth [1]
Category: Superman & Lois (TV 2021)
Genre: Beating, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Pain, Self-Harm, Social Anxiety, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slytherin_INTJ/pseuds/books-life-death
Summary: Jon loved Jordan. He really did. He was his twin after all. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when all the sudden Jordan was given more attention and praise and all Jon was expected to do was support him. He couldn’t tell anyone that, he needed to be the perfect son, the perfect brother, the perfect Jon. That's why when it happened at first, it wasn’t bad.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lois Lane
Series: The Days of Our Youth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2205573
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	i'm not perfect (but I keep trying)

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> I will be talking a lot about self harm and the feeling gotten from it is this story. None is very graphic, but please if you know this will trigger you do not read. 
> 
> That said, this will not be a universal or prefect representation of self harm and the feeling gotten from it. I am using my own experience with self harming as a basis of how I am going to right this.
> 
> Title is from Perfect by Hedley.

It was an accident. He didn't mean it. It just happened and it wasn't bad. Jon was in the kitchen cutting a banana in half when the knife cut his finger a bit. Blood pooped out like a bubble, but Jon just stood and stared at it. It didn’t hurt, instead it felt freeing. Like all the sudden with one thing he was able to forget all the stress and pain. All it took was one small cut. But then it ended just as quickly as it came. Jon yearned to do it again. He almost did but then Jordan walked into the room and he couldn’t. 

But then it happened again later that night under the dim light of the bathroom, he used a knife from the kitchen, and dug into his thigh. He stayed there for what seemed like hours as blood dripped from his thigh. Jon was finally free and he had no intention of stopping. Every night he would sneak into the bathroom and just did it. He never had to think about it anymore, it was an automatic habit.

It was fine, all he had to do was wear pants and no one ever saw. That was until Shawn and his gang cornered him after school one day. They beat him and beat him but Jon couldn’t bring himself the care but, he just breathed through the pain until of course he passed out.

~*~*~

What Lois got the call from Jordan that Jon was in the hospital, she never had felt so terrified. Jordan didn’t say much, just that he found Jon in a back alley by the school barely breathing.

Her and Clark immediately drove to the hospital running in to find their sons. Jordan was sitting in the waiting room. He stood up once they approached. 

“They wouldn’t tell me anything, said I had to be 18 or over.” He muttered, wiping tears off his face.

“Oh honey.” Lois wrapped her arms around Jordan. Clark was about to join when a doctor approached them. 

“Mr. Mrs. Kent?”

Immediately they broke up and the family rushed up to them. 

“Where is he?” Lois demanded.

“Is he okay?” Clark didn’t know what to do.

The doctor nodded and Clark, “Your son is okay. He had a minor fracture in his left arm, a spain in his right ankle, and bruising especially his ribs but other than that he should physically heal just fine. He was lucky.”

Everyone took in a breath, they didn’t know they had been holding. 

“Oh thank god.” Lois breathed.

“But.” The doctor brought their attention back to them. “Your son does have some injuries not given from the fight I would like to discuss.”

“What?” Jordan said he couldn’t help feeling a little confused. 

The doctor made eye contact with Lois and Clark, “Your son, Jon, has scars and recent wounds on his legs consistent with those who suffer from self harm tendencies.”

Clark, frowned, “ Now, that's not possible, Jon wouldn’t self-harm.” 

Lois covered her mouth and looked worried, Jordan was silent and he didn’t move or make any noise. 

He didn’t know what to think. It was Jon, he wasn’t the one who was supposed to deal with this. It was Jordan, he should be the one, not Jon. Jon deserved better.

“I suggest you look into a psychiatrist or therapy program for him. The hospital offers an out-patient supportive therapy program for youth who suffer with depression, anxiety, and self harm. Here.” He held out a brochure to Lois.

She stared at it trying to comprehend everything that was happening. Slowly she took it. Her son Jon.

“Can we see him?” Clark asked. 

~*~*~

The first thing he heard was beeping. Constant and not moving. Beep. Beep. Beep. The next thing was Jordan’s voice. 

“I’m sorry, Jon. I’m sorry.”

It was all so confusing, Jon tried to open his eyes but immediately shut them once the light attacked him.

“Jon! Mom, Dad, he’s awake!”

Suddenly it was like everything started happening at once, his Mom and Dad both burst talking, and Jon could hear them. 

“Jon, honey!” His mom said.

“Jon!” Was his dad, for some reason he sounded sad. Why?

Jon decided to try and open his eyes, this time the light wasn’t so bright and he could fully open his eyes and the blurry images came into focus and he saw Jordan, Mom, and Dad all around him.

“Whats up?” He said. Trying to lighten the mood. All their faces were so worried and serious it was uncomfortable.

“Jon.” Mom frowned. 

Dad didn’t make any noise or expression just kept staring down at Jon, with sad eyes.

Jordan looked like he was trying to say something but couldn’t think of anything.

“Why are you guys so serious? All I got was a bit ruffed up. Nothing to worry about, it will probably feel fine in a week or two. Totally cool. I don’t even feel anything!” Jon said, with a grin on his face.

Then did Jordan split a smile, “‘Cause your doped up on pain meds.” But then it was gone as soon as it had come and Jordan dropped his eyes, sad again.

His parents still hadn’t moved or said anything. 

“Seriously you guys.” Jon said. He was getting scared, it was as if he was dead. Last he checked he was perfectly fine and breathing. 

“Jon, honey, we know about the self harm.” Mom said. 

The room’s temperature dropped twenty degrees. Jon was overwhelmed, how did they?

“Wh-what?” He stammered.

“It’s alright Jon. We're here.” Dad said.

Jon forced a smile on his face but it dropped almost as fast. “You got it all wrong guys, it just, uh…” He couldn’t think of what to say. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was all too much.

Lois grabbed his hand, “It’s going to be okay sweetie.”

Jon ripped his hand out of hers. “No. You guys, stop this. Okay! I’m fine, you don’t need to worry!” He yelled at them.

“Jon-” Dad started but Jon couldn’t hear it.

“No! Stop, okay! Just go back to ignoring me and focusing on Jordan, because that's what works right? He is the superboy afterall. All I am is his dumb ordinary brother. Who needs to focus on me when you have another kid with powers. Am I right?!” Jon yelled, everything was coming out. He couldn’t take it any more, all the pain and emotions, and the walls were breaking and Jon didn’t know what to do. 

His mom and dad were just shocked and looking at him with such pity, Jon wanted to throw up. 

“Stop! Just Stop! I don-” He was cut off by Jordan who wrapped his arms around him and held him. 

Jon’s mind went blank, before everything came like a flood back all his memories again. It shouldn’t be like this, Jon needed to protect Jordan not the other way around. He was supposed to be the perfect son. He had to be. He needed to be the one to support and uplift. But in the arms of his brother Jon just started crying, despite everything his mind was telling him, his body reacted with thought and Jon laid there in the arms of his brother sobbing.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is the first in a series of like one shots I am pretty sure I am going to do.
> 
> If you like it please leave a comment. I wrote this today and didn't edit it because yeah... so I'm sorry for any errors and such. 
> 
> I hope I didn't totally offend or hurt anyone. Like I said before I really just used my own experience with self harm for this fanfiction which obviously is not the same for everyone.
> 
> If you are struggling with self harm I suggest you talk to someone, whether it be family or friends, or just anyone you trust enough to get help and support from. It really does help and it will get better. Remember their is always someone in the world who loves and cares for you. YOU ARE ENOUGH AND YOU ARE MEANINGFUL!


End file.
